people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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