dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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