I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
