his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
