i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
