The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
