bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
