...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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