dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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