The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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