My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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