there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
