the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
