Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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