and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
