I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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