Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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