opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
