god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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