your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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