I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Randomize
