I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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