eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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