I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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