scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
