Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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