Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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