Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
