I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
