Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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