Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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