When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize