you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
