her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
