i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
