she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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