party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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