Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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