so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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