It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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