Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
