Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
