My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
