so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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