So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sext me about skeletons
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
