The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
