im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
