but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
