I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
