Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
