So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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