and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
