Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
