well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
