so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
