Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
