I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i dont even know how to be here
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
