YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
