I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
