i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
